1. Be your best self.
If you love who you are, inside and out, great! If you look hard
in the mirror and see the possibility of change for the better,
take a chance and do it. Whether that means eating healthier,
trying out a Pilates or yoga class, or meeting with a clothing
stylist to pinpoint a fashion sense for this new era in your life,
go for it! To paraphrase Suzy Gorman, it’s worth it to make your
outer self as cool as your inner self.
2. Open your eyes to possibilities
My mom likes to tease me about a really wonderful high school
boyfriend I dumped because I didn’t like his shoes. I had such
a strict check-list for guys I dated, and those criteria didn’t
change much until I turned 40. Once I told myself to discard the
list and open my eyes to all the possibilities, I met Ed. He’s
everything I ever wanted and more. I’m not telling you to settle.
Far from it! I think that once successful, confident women reach
a certain age, they deserve BETTER. But be willing to date outside
your typical box and get to know men before you shoot them down.
3. Have fun all on your lonesome
I know women who are terrified of being alone, even for a moment.
Their worst fear is spending a Saturday night home with a good
book. My grandmother used to say that “boring people get bored,”
and I think she has a point. If your life is full and happy while
you’re single, you’ll attract men whose lives are also full and
happy. The kind of relationship that comes of two fully-realized
people uniting is like the tastiest cream cheese icing on the
cake! If you feel like your life has holes that need to be filled,
figure out ways YOU can fill them instead of expecting someone
else to do it for you.
4. Stop being a people pleaser
Okay, this is actually a rule I’m stealing from my mother. When
I turned 40, she specifically advised that I quit trying to please
the world because I’d never succeed. At book signings, if I made
40 people in the room laugh and one scowled throughout my presentation,
I’d fixate on that one person. What had I said wrong? What could
I have done differently? I nearly drove myself crazy worrying
about the handful of people whom I would never please instead
of enjoying my time with all the wonderful folks who enjoyed being
with me. It’s easier said than done, I know; but start small.
Begin to weed toxic friends and acquaintances from your life.
Who is there for you when you’re up and when you’re down? Those
are the friends to keep. Avoid the ones who suck the life out
of you. I learned the hard way when I was diagnosed with breast
cancer who my true friends are (and even what family members I
can count on), and I value that lesson. Although I hope no one
else has to go through a health crisis to figure that out! In
a nutshell: do what gives you joy and hang around people who energize
you. Period.
5. Never stop being curious
I read a study that said remaining curious throughout our lives
keeps our brains young, and I believe it! I think the moment we
stop exploring the world around us, we turn into sticks-in-the-mud.
Read books in genres you don’t typically read, visit somewhere
in your city you’ve never been, take a painting class, learn how
to cook, see a foreign film, or learn to salsa. There are so many
interesting people, places, and things out there that we do ourselves
a disservice when we shut ourselves off from something new. If
your life feels stuck at 40, decide to take a new path for Act
Two. Now is the time to do all those things you always said you
wanted to do. As Kat Maguire
puts it in THE COUGAR CLUB:
Aging gracefully isn’t about
aging gratefully. It’s about living life with your engine on overdrive,
making love with all the lights on, trashing your diet books,
and diving into the chocolate cake.